


Always Alone

by MabelDiangelo1228



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angsty Rin, Cutting, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, I'm going to torture my por babies, M/M, Major Character Depression, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?, multi chapter fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-10-05 18:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10313900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MabelDiangelo1228/pseuds/MabelDiangelo1228
Summary: Rin can't take the loneliness anymore. Will his friends be able save him before it's too late?  Or will he regret that he never got the chance to tell Him how he feels





	1. Blades cut deep. But words cut deeper.

He was used to being alone. That's why when he made friends with the others he finally felt complete. So why was the loneliness crushing him? The feeling of loneliness. He couldn't take it anymore. He needed to relieve the panic the silence of his once friends caused him. In the only way he could think of.

He raised the blade up to his wrist. He hesitated, before ripping the glittering metal across. He watched as blood seeped from the cut, watching it heal leaving nothing but a faint line behind. He repeated the action, over and over again. Watching his blood flow from the cuts before suddenly it was not anymore.

He sighed. Of course he would heal. He was a demon after all. A horrible disgusting creature that had no right to be on this earth. The kin to Satan himself.

But he wasn't Satan! Why couldn't they see that? He dropped his arm and instead opted to grab his tail. The glittering strip of relief hovered over it. He wasn't sure if this was worth it. But the he thought.

Yukio. His otouto. He had been so cold. So distant as of late. Like he would be better of without Rin around. He dragged he razor across his tail. He gasped at he amount of pain it brought.

Konekomaru. He was so scared of him. He visibly flinched away from Rin now. Whispering about how he could snap and kill them all at any moment. Another line carved into his tail, another sharp intake of breath. 

Shima. He didn't exactly show malice toward Rin. But he certainly hadn't show signs that he still cared. In fact he went along with everything He said. Another cut

Shiemi. She was avoding him. His first friend. He no longer sat up front with her. He chose to sit in the back. Away from their glares and frightened looks. Another line carved in.

Izumo and Takara. They hadn't changed. He was fine around thoses two. They showed no caring that he was hell spawn. The blade hovered over the tail.

Suguro.... His rejection possibly hurt the worst. He had hoped that after they promised to always be there and to rely on them he would be excepting of him. He was so cool too. He had hoped they could become close friends... And possibly more than that. Six deep gashes were carved into the tail. 

"Ri~in! What's taking you so long? You said you were gonna make sukiyaki tonight!" He heard his cat sidthncall through the door.

"Just... Give me a minute Kuro. I'll be out in a few. " He rinsed the blood off of the blade. Then proceeded to rinse the blood from his arm and tail. He noticed his tail was still not heald so he wrapped it in bandages then hid it under his shirt. 

He could relieve the rest of the pain and panic later. Right now he had to make sukiyaki for his cat and otouto.


	2. Who said you where alone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yukio is introduced in this chapter. Rin is healed a little bit by him.  
> This chapter is dedicated to SooRa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should let you guys know that Yukio's withdrawal from Rin is all in his head. Yukio has actually been fighting with the Grigori to over turn Rin's sentence and give him more time to pass the Exorcist Exam

(Yukio's POV)  
"Nii-san? I home!" This was strange. The dorm was near silent. Normally Rin would at least call back to me. I walk up the stairs to our room to put my stuff away from my latest mission.  
"Nii-san? Are you in here?" I opened the door. No Rin. He was then most likely to be in the kitchen then. I walked to the kitchen but Rin was still nowhere to be found. Just then I could hear Kuro meowing. I followed it to the bath room. "Just... Give me a minute Kuro. I'll be out in a few." I breathed out a sigh. Rin was fine. I walked back to the kitchen knowing that that's where Rin would be heading to make dinner. When he walked into the kitchen he looked paler than usual and a cold sweat coating his skin. "Nii-san! You look sick! Are you okay?" Rin jumped as if he hadn't noticed I was there. "Y-yukio w-when did you get home?" His voice sounded weak and scratchy. I quickly strode over to him and lay my hand across his forehead. "Rin! You have a fever! Why didn't you tell me you were getting sick?!" (Rin's POV) To be honest, even I didn't know I was getting sick. I only started to feel like this after cutting my tail. Maybe it was my demon side rebelling against me for hurting my tail. Next thing I knew I knew I was swept up into my brother's arms and being carried to our room (Yukio's POV ) Rin fell asleep in my arms while I was carrying him up to our room. His forehead felt dangerously hot. I wet a face cloth after placing him in our room to help cool him temperature. Rin had been so distant lately. Cringing away when someone so much as took a step in his general direction. I'm worried about him. He does nothing but cook and study now it seems. He tries to hide it, but I can tell he hasn't been sleeping well. He keeps waking up from nightmares. But not tonight. Tonight I'll keep the nightmares away,. Until he stops looking at everyone like he desperately wants to be expected but knows he can't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How'd you guys like the chapter? I'm sorry Yukio is like completely ooc. I have to get into my "Yukio Mood" but its getting late so for now you saw the Concerned side of Yukio. Cause we all know Yukio will be the older brother when Rin needs him to be.


	3. Darkness Rules us. But Light Will Always Comfort Us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin has a nightmare that leaves him shaken and scared and Yukio is around to comfort our poor, sad, depressed Rin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I doing this to my poor Nii-san?  
> Ok so chapter 3 has to go out to Darksideofthemoon1324 because I promised you this chapter in March. I'm so sorry! Gomen'nasai. Watashi o yurushitekudasai!

(Rin's POV )

It's really dark where am I? I don't know this place. It's black. Everything. Black. The walls, the floor, the sky.

"Rin." I turn quickly. Who was that? There's nobody there.

"You should just die,Rin. No body would miss you" A light. In that light I can see my used to be friends. They're glaring at me. Like they hate me. Bon takes a step forward.

"You know, Okumura. I've always hated you. You're so worthless. I hate you, Okumura." No. Nonononono. I fist my hands in my hair. This is not happening. This is not happening. They don't hate me right? They can't!

Shiemi steps forward. She's sneering at me. "I can't believe I ever had a monster sitting next to me. You should have died when you were born." 

Why? Why is this happening. I try to ask them what I did. What I did wrong? I was trying to save them. I was trying to help. I feel a slap sting my cheek. 

It's Yukio. He's looking at me with the most hatred I've ever seen in his face. "You killed him "Nii-san". You killed Otōsan*! I should've shot you in the head! If you hadn't been born father would be alive! You should just kill yourself! It would do the entire world a favor!" 

No. No! This isn't happening! Yukio. My precious Otōto. He hates me. This isn't right! He's my brother he should love me! I didn't kill Otōsan! I didn't. I feel my "friends" and brother closing in around me. They kick at me and hit me. Yukio levels his gun to my head. 

"Good-bye Nii-san. Have fun in hell." And he pulls the trigger. 

\-------------Line Break------------ 

I bolt up in bed and scream. Tears are streaming down my face. Yukio jumps out of his bed and runs to my side.  
"Nii-san! What's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?" I can't meet his eyes. The look of hatred on his face from my dream still vivid in my mind. The sound of the trigger being pulled. 

Yukio kneels down to look me in the eye "Nii-san?" I can't take it. I fling myself into his arms, to a slightly startled grunt, and describe the horrible nightmare. 

"You killed me, Yukio! you looked me in the eye and shot me! I was so scared!" Yukio grabs me by the shoulders and jerks me away so he's looking me in the eyes. 

"I would never,never, shoot you, Rin. I could never harm you. You're my brother. My hopeless Nii-san. Do you understand that?" I nod weakly and fall back into his arms. 

"I was so scared." My voice barely rises above a whisper. "I don't think I can sleep, Yukio."

I hear him hum thoughtfully, then take a breath and begin to sing the lullaby our father used to sing to us.

"Suimin, chīsana hato, anata no tsubasa o ori, ritoruburūpijon berubetto no me de; utau made nemuru haha tori no yure su o furu kanojo no chīsana mono ga doko ni aru ka. Tōkuhanarete watashi wa hoshiwomiru, gin'iro no hoshi chottoshita uta de. Yawarakai Ro ni ochiru watashi wa sore o yobidasu to kiku kōru to Chin ringu issho no yoru. Mado o tōshite gekkō ga kuru, ritorugōrudomūnbīmu kiri no hane o motsu. Subete shizuka ni shinobiyoru, soreha tazuneru. " Kare wa nemutte iru no? Suimintoyume hahaoya ga utainagara? " Shikashi, suimin, chīsana hato, anata no tsubasa o ori, ritoruburūpijon kanashimi no me de; watashi wa utatte imasen ka? - Sanshō, watashi wa suingu shite imasu - su o furu watashi no koibito ga iru basho." 

I feel myself drifting off to the lulling sound of my brother's voice. Forgetting my nightmare for a little while.

A/N: Hello my dear(But few readers XDDD) I'm finally back after a long break. My life's been pretty hectic so I haven't updated. 

Otōsan- Father  
Otōsan- Little brother.

Translation for lullaby: Sleep, little pigeon, And fold your wings, Little blue pigeon With velvet eyes; Sleep to the singing Of mother-bird swinging Swinging the nest Where her little one lies.

Away out yonder I see a star, Silvery star With a tinkling song; To the soft dew falling I hear it calling Calling and tinkling The night along.

In through the window A moonbeam comes, Little gold moonbeam With misty wings; All silently creeping, It asks; "Is he sleeping Sleeping and dreaming While mother sings?"...

But sleep, little pigeon, And fold your wings, Little blue pigeon With mournful eyes; Am I not singing? -- See, I am swinging -- Swinging the nest Where my darling lies.


End file.
